1. I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.

2. just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.

3. Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.

4. they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.

5. Text him!